To Me, My Bastards

To me, my bastards.

I apologize that I have not blogged in over a week. I haven’t been ignoring your pleading emails requesting that I post anew; they are read thoroughly — tasted for the flavor of longing — before I delete them.

It’s not you. It’s me. The problem is, to be quite frank, that I’m wiped, épuisé. Theoretically, this is due to a faulty adjustment I made last week to my caffeine intake. I switched from lattes to cappuccino, as well as to ‘American coffee.’ Now I can’t get a full night’s sleep.

Also, and I hate to say this about him, but my boss is a murmurer. On occasion, moreso than usual this week, he shares an office with me. Usually he sits outside in the animator’s bullpen but of late he’s been in here with me. And he talks to himself. Little rhetorical questions — I’m not sure … he might actually be asking me questions. I choose to treat them as rhetorical. There also follow sarcastic asides about a new piece of software he’s trying; grunts of success when he’s overcome a frustration. Yesterday, after a series of grunts interrupted me mid-bloggus, and a sensation ran down from my scalp, along my spine to my toes, I abandoned for all time a post I was trying to compose. I was severely tempted to turn around and explain that “I cannot blog under these conditions!” Instead, I practiced restraint, came up with an excuse to leave work early, and went home to lie down with a hot wet towel over my eyes.

Finally, I have two books to review but my emotions about them aren’t as stark as usual. Those of you who have known me longest understand that ambivalence is an alien emotion to me. How do I sort out a tone of voice about these novels when I can’t love or hate them with purity? I’m sure once I’ve slept, I’ll be less wishy washy and will capably praise or condemn them. Please have patience.

Peacefulness,

darknessatnoon

“Jesus loves you, but I don’t.” – Judy Torres

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4 Responses to “To Me, My Bastards”

  1. Zed Says:

    Flip a coin, Harvey. Isn’t that already how you figure out whether you love or hate something?

  2. darknessatnoon Says:

    Nice. You’re just angry because I mocked Mick Taussig’s silly Cocaine Museum book on your live-journal. Neener neener neener!

  3. Zed Says:

    I haven’t stopped chuckling over Homi calling somebody “incoherent.”

  4. darknessatnoon Says:

    Not Homi. Don’t go there.

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