I Am Not Chemically Required to Obsess

I want to remain calm, but the paperwork I’ve been trying to file is driving me absolutely crazy. I thought I was completely finished as of this morning except life is not so kind. For example, I had something due on the 15th and completed it several days early, but after all the uploading and re-checking I neglected to hit the “submit” button. Now, I have to talk to someone in North Carolina to see if my paperwork can still be considered and, of course, she’s not in today. It’s not even 5:00 yet and here I am fuming at her web-page. Here’s an IM exchange with a friend which is pretty indicative of how impatient I feel:

darknessatnoon: It says on this page that her office hours are btwn 8:30-5:00, but how the fuck am I supposed to know off the top of my head what time zone North Carolina is? Is that 8:30 my time, 6:30 or 7:30, or is it 9:30?

[redacted]: I think it’s 7:30 your time but don’t quote me on that.

darknessatnoon: Well, is there a map I can look at? Didn’t we have maps about time zones in third grade? I need to know what time to call! Seriously, how incompetent is this woman that she doesn’t include her office-hours time zone on her web-page?

[redacted]: Also, who gets Jan, 2 off? Where is she? Do you think she’s at a White Sale?

darknessatnoon: Are you baiting me?

[redacted]: Moi? Never. Anyway, you’re at work right now and wasting your time with IM. Post something on your blog. You’ll find it diverting. It’s not like you take adderall anymore. You aren’t chemically required to obsess over shit like this anymore. You’re behaving like Gayatri Spivak before she goes on her 11 AM jog. Relax before you start throwing sneakers at the secretary.

darknessatnoon: Ha! God, I miss adderall. Do you know how difficult it is to motivate for a work-out when you’re not using chemically amplified will-power? Good advice. Bye.

4 Responses to “I Am Not Chemically Required to Obsess”

  1. Zed Says:

    I tried using that stuff at one point — got a diagnosis and a prescription — but I was so depressed that I still couldn’t get anything done. All it did was help me concentrate on how depressed I was.I’ve been thinking about trying it again. Any thoughts?

  2. darknessatnoon Says:

    Yes, I remember when that was going on and I was furious with how you kept hording it until you “needed it.” When you were actually ingesting it, it was impossible to get through to you. It’s a bad idea to go back on it, in my opinion. I had a similar problem at one famous point with obsessively ruminating over the motivations for my depression. I suppose if one isn’t neurotic and doesn’t need a lot of sleep, it might fit the bill. Then again, I don’t know anyone who meets those criteria.

  3. Zed Says:

    I still have some pills from that prescription — I took one before I took the GRE again.I like stimulants — I have to be careful not to drink so much coffee that my sleep gets fucked up. Because I like them, I’m leery of them. Still, there are benefits to pharmaceutical amphetamine over dietary caffeine.

  4. darknessatnoon Says:

    Oh not for me. Give me an ambien any day. In fact, give me one now! What a relief it is to be away from grating consciousness!I also took the GRE again recently and made sure not to drink coffee beforehand. I knew that I’d find the questions on the Analytic Writing section so annoying that I’d immediately snap to. I think peevishness and oversensitivity are excellent natural stimulants.

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