Some Baristas

Following my last post, I was gmail chatting with my big-balled friend, David over in Lebanon. Our conversation led us to wonder what a typology of baristas would look like following “Some Queens,” David Feinberg’s typology of queens in the sexy-covered novel Eighty-Sixed. David came up with a stream of barista types. He’s much better at it than I am since he knows Italian.

Please feel free to make suggestions and I will edit them into the list.

fareasta barista = an asian barista
baristina = female barista, or girly barista
the starista = the actor-dancer-model-waiter of the 80s
pianista barista = lonely barista

beirutista = a lebanese barista, or otherwise self-destructive barista

barflyistas = club rats who must work the steam to support their p.m. habits
fartistas = secretly love the sound of the hot air
chartistas = the ones who sing pop songs as they prep your cappucino
sous-barista = the trainee, also called startista
smartista = a frustrated intellectual who can’t get another job
bartiste = the 21st century bohemian
barysta = the feminist expresso maker
blasista = the bored stiff, indifferent barista
no hold’s barista = the uncensored, crazy type
millibarista = coffee sommelier in a very low pressure cafe
barbiesta = all she can think is about ken as she is making your macchiato
disbarista = used to be a lawyer
sbarrista = former italian fastfood maker turned coffee expert
gaydarista = lists his station shifts online and cruises through the steam
czarista = coffee professional of russian origin, or spikes the drinks with vodka
sportsbarista = non existent
fubarista = you dont want to drink what he makes
babarista = he can froth the milk with his trunk
proteinbarista = muscle queen coffee sommelier

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2 Responses to “Some Baristas”

  1. obscurapersona Says:

    I love this…Brilliant.

  2. darknessatnoon Says:

    THANKS! It’s good to see you on here. I actually have been meaning to link to your blog, so I’ll do that now.

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