Give it to Mama

Who is this abominable creature wearing a tube top and hot pants, and why have I fallen for her? She is a hint of things to come.

I apologize I’ve been away for so long. Some of you, Tucker and Emily, wrote me very nice notes inquiring where I was, while some recorded shockingly passive aggressive thoughts to motivate me. Either way, I needed a kick in the pants. I’m up and running nicely again. In fact, today a friend shadowed me on the street, laughing behind my back, as I thoughtlessly sang along to my ipod.

I have lame excuses. There’s a new guy in the office next to mine. He’s an effeminate heterosexual who always leans his head in to ask me about “hot chicks,” and to critique me for drinking caffeinated coffee (“I thought you were going to cut back, ho ho ho ho”). By constantly referring to me as “buddy,” he makes me feel like an 8 year old and reminds me of my step-father. He’s a jack-ass dude bro who refers to me as the ‘uniblogger.’ He’s always complaining that our shared internet connection is too slow, insinuating it’s my fault. The other day when I angrily shouted, “It’s not my fault. I just came back from the bathroom!” he jocularly yelled out to everyone that I was “shitting up the internet.” I know in his own pathetic way he’s trying to bond with me, but I want to explain to him that I have no sense of humor. The more a person tries to force jocularity upon me, the more I shut my door. In fact, I shut it and locked it today. As he stood there knocking, motioning that he wanted to go to Starbucks, I phoned him on his cell phone to explain that I was busy.

He’s only one reason. I’d finally pulled myself together to start writing again, when I jacked up my finger by burning it on the stove and then slamming it in a drawer. It became infected and I had to cauterize it by heating up an exacto knife with my lighter and practicing field medicine upon myself. TMI? Disgusting to you? I have no pity for your sensibilities since I watched The Fly for the first time this weekend and screamed bloody murder when Geena Davis gave birth to a giant maggot.

Posts are coming now that I am fully recovered and steadied to ignore my neighbor. I intend to explain the beautiful image above, as well as to give some notes on Professor Carey’s latest X-Men manuscript. Novaya has encouraged me to write down some impressions of the Dazzler solo series that ran during the 1980s, which I won on ebay a few months back — a sequel to my reading of Dazzler the Movie. On a non-comics related front, I have a post in the works about how Absolutely Fabulous is heavily rooted in Daniel Defoe, as well as some thoughts about Daniel Defoe’s views on how marriage is bad business. I will also be discussing my pick for this season of So You Think You Can Dance, and writing about how a cheap piece of Hallmark kitsch caused me to re-evaluate Andre Green’s psychoanalytic concept of “The Dead Mother.” So, things are in the works and I apologize for neglecting this place.

Mama Gives it to You

And while I’m ready and able to whine incessantly about my finger, my British friend Josef F. (who has fabulous taste in comic book characters, especially given his love for the complete package of Misty Knight, her hair, sunglasses and smack-talk) was recently so injured during rehearsal that I feel like a self-centered hypochondriac. Due to bad choreography, he was hurled into a gate, breaking his chin and a knuckle. That bitch director had him on set for another two hours and didn’t even volunteer to take him to the hospital. I’m all for suffering for one’s art, but certainly not for the Mambo and definitely not for fucking WESTSIDE STORY!!!!! And he’s still performing. Josef is a trooper and, because I am no hepcat, he is this blog’s Musical Consultant, vetting my music video discussion choices. In honor of Josef’s broken face, I will post one of his video recommendations (he’s clearly very high on medication because I had to exercise my veto twice, which I normally never have to do). In the following video, Jay Brannan proves to me again that all gay men are desperate to be housewives.


One Response to “Teaser”

  1. Luches Says:

    Cheri, I was not commenting on you at all! Although I think I know why you thought so. You know me, I’d bitch on you if I wanted to motivate you. On the other hand this means that you could be one of my relatives, which is a lot friendlier than being one of my absolutes. Have you seen Wall-E yet? A hilarious leftist short about a magic hat rabbit. Then beautiful garbage. Then, robots r heterosexual and the Earth promises to regenerate so no worries.

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